Beginning of 2019 : Well, the first few months of this new year ended up taking a turn for the worse, especially around April/May. I was in school during this time and completely wanted to just give up on all that. I was in a place of confusion and hurt, which now I see how that affected everything I was doing. It was the little faith that I had in Jesus having my back that got me through this time. I was at the point where I had the mindset of “God, I have zero idea what you’re doing right now. I do not understand why you have put me in this place, BUT I will trust you even though I do not see where you are taking me.” I really had a mustard seed of faith in God at this point in time, but that’s all it takes.
Middle of the year : I truly had such a great summer spent with friends and taking classes. I broke out of my shell and started to branch out. However, I was still broken and hurting. It wasn’t helping that I brushed how I felt under the rug, honestly thinking things would just work out and I would magically heal. This is the time my relationship with God was very wishy washy. I struggled a lot with surrendering the things I was dealing with. I would surrender them on one day then a few days later go back, pick up what I left at the cross, and take them back thinking I could fix things. I had a “plan” for what my future plans were going to look like/be. I really tried to hold myself together and convince myself that my “plan” was from God, knowing well that I was the one coming up with that plan, not God. Still I rolled with it.
End of 2019 : I found out the beginning of October that I was rejected from a nursing program. This completely broke my heart, but I realized that God has such a great plan for me. I acknowledged that I need time with God and time to regroup my heart. (I also turn 22 in October… shout out to one year of getting older and I can only hope wiser!)
I got my feet under me and finally made the changes I had been talking about all year. I stepped out of my comfort zone and truly found my purpose in Jesus. I went on an amazing women’s retreat that made a huge impact on my life. I found the most beautiful group of women and who invited me to be a part of their disciple group (shout out to Whitney, Cassandra, Kathy & Brooke – thank you ladies for loving me for me!). I finally surrendered past hurt and guilt which freed me and led me to whole-hearted forgiveness. AND NOW, I am currently on my way to Passion 2020 in Atlanta with a group from my church.
My year never plays out the way I expect it to when January rolls around. I experienced a lot of hurt, rejection, and disappointment this year, but even more joy and happiness in the Lord. I say it’s funny how that is, but it really isn’t. It’s never a “coincidence” that something happens the way it does. NOTHING is ever an accident. Following Christ means understanding that curve balls, hills, and valleys all happen to us because they are apart of our plan set and designed by the Author of Life. We are so quick though to say something is an accident or too quick to say it’s a coincidence, but really we should be quick to say, “look, there’s God again doing what he does best, show off his mighty ways.”
I have never been more excited for my future and I also have never been so excited to be in the place where I am at in life. There is so much ahead of me that God has planned and I am so stoked to see what his plans are for me.
To kick off 2020, I am so dang excited to share the project I have been working on… The Beautiful & Brave Podcast! This has been an idea I have had for such a long time and finally see it come to life is a dream.
***Below I will leave the link to the podcast on Spotify. When the first episode is released, I will post all the details on where to find it!