SO, with all this quarantined time… I have honestly spent a lot of time reflecting (shocker, because what else is there to do lol) on my relationship I have with myself and with God. Truthfully, as much as I miss my people and spending time with the ones I love, I have enjoyed this time being home for a few reasons. One of those reasons being, I have so much more time to invest in my relationship with the Lord. I have time to sit and bathe in the Word. I have time to read and study books in the bible. I have time without distractions to meet God daily.
I have also had the time to self reflect and asses how I am and the place God has me in. I’ve concluded a few things from all this self-reflecting:
- I am so so excited for what the Lord has in store for me.
- I am at a place in my life where I genuinely look at myself and see what God sees (which for me, has been a rocky road).
- I have become more self-aware (which also, has been a learning process).
NOW to get right into it, I never use to look at myself as a “worthy child of God who is loved.” I mean, I knew this. I read it in the bible. I listened to sermons about that I have value and that God calls me His “beloved”. I believed THAT those truths were true… but I did not live or act like they were true, and if I did I most likely faked it. Being straight up and open here, I treated myself like a commodity and allowed others to walk all over me and because of that, I lost who I was. I was even over here a few years back preaching on this blog and on Instagram that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that my identity rests in the Lord, but I wasn’t truly living that truth out. I didn’t fully believe IN the truth that my worth, value, and identity were found in Jesus.
What spiked this idea on wanting to sit down and write about this topic on VALUE & WORTH was because I was asked to share my testimony with my team I work with (shout out to every one of yall). I was nervous as heck to share my testimony and somethings I have walked through… partially because that requires me to dip back to a time where my relationship with the Lord was so passive and close to being nonexistent. BUT I was also reminded of God’s faithfulness and sovereignty over my life. I have found myself almost every day recently praising God for bringing me to this point. He has redeemed my life because He loves me, not based upon my works and merit. Let me tell you if salvation and redemption were based upon my actions and works… I honestly wouldn’t have it. BUT how amazing is it that our God is a God of patience and grace!!! Salvation is a wide-open invitation for anyone who believes that Jesus paid the ultimate price of death on a cross for our sins. If you think you’re too far gone, please think again. If you are finding yourself in this place of feeling lost or disconnected from the Father, it is not too late. I’m telling you the love that God has for you goes way beyond you thinking you’re too far gone. It is God’s reckless love that causes him to leave the 99 to find the one [ Luke 15:7 ].
I say all this because there was a time in my life where I didn’t see myself the way God sees me. There is a huge gap in our society that preaches you need X, Y, and Z to be loved and known… and I was once stuck in that gap. I believed that if I just belittled myself then people would like me more or some crazy thought along those lines… which is so far from the truth. I say all these things and I bring up the things I’ve walked through not to seek any sort of applause, but to shine a light on the truth that it was all because of Jesus. None of it was my own doing or on my own strength. God’s intervention has come at the right times in my life and to that point, there is a reason that God’s timing is so perfect.
I was reminded this week about the story of the prodigal son and no matter how many times I read or hear that story, a whole wave of emotions come flooding in [ Luke 15:11-31 ]. I was the prodigal daughter. I was lost in my sin. I didn’t deserve to be clothed in His best robe, I didn’t deserve a ring on my finger or the sandals from His feet. Yet, out of His overflowing love for me and His eyes fixed on me, God claimed me as worthy.
Much like the one son, we think we sustain and keep ourselves together. For whatever reason, most of us have fallen under the lie that we are able to hold ourselves together by our own strength. TRUTH IS, we NEED Jesus. This isn’t just some suggestion might I add… We need Him because we cannot live this life or do anything without Him. I say this to from a place of love because I want you to know the Father like I know him. I want you to taste and see that the Lord is so dang good, in all situations, He is better than it all.
Honestly, what I learned the other day by sharing my story and my testimony was that you have to look back on those moments where God intervened. You have to look back to the past and see where you are in the present. I promise you from my own experience, God’s faithfulness has consistently been there. Which, because I know God was faithful from then until now, I can trust that He will continue to be faithful in my future.